I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
