i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I think my moral compass just broke
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
