Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Randomize
