he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
