Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Randomize
