Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Randomize