I need to stop coming to work sober
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
