Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
