YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
