Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
