I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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