I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I just found a bag of teeth...
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
