and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
