Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
