the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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