Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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