Rock
Scissors
Fuck
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
