yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
