No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
