I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize
