You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
