Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
