I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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