I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
