Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
