Just mADE A PArabola og urine
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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