I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Randomize
