So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I take back everything I said about communal showers
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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