At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
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