Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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