New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
