ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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