If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Randomize
