she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
