Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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