I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize