I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
