How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
