i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
