ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
