Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Randomize
