Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
