His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
