I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
