road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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