I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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