Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
