If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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