im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
