last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
