You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
