Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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