And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
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