I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize