ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
