omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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