Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
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