Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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