i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Randomize
