We won't sleep together?
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
